Reflections from the Heart of the Empire: Water on Mars, No Flying Cars But Plenty of the Darkly Bizarre

• NASA announced that its Insight rover discovered a reservoir of liquid water trapped in rock over 7 miles beneath the surface of Mars, probably enough to cover the entire planet a mile deep if it was on the surface.

• I remember being promised flying cars and vacations on Mars.

• Since Zionists are so good at making deserts bloom, maybe they should just all go to Mars. There’s water, and no annoying indigenes to contest their rightful claim. Well, maybe there are no natives; the sci-fi horror novels write themselves, but that possibility makes it an even better idea! So get on it, Elon the Musky One!

• Meanwhile, the Boeing Starliner astronauts, who launched for an 8 day trip to the International Space Station on June 5 and are still stranded there because profits are Boeing’s most important product, are either going to gamble on Boeing’s assurances or wait for Elon Musk’s Crew Dragon spacecraft to pick them up in late September. Below is the problematic craft occupying an ISS docking port.

• The Russians are saying Ukraine wanted to seize the Kursk nuclear power plant, which powers several regions, use it to blackmail Russia into more favorable peace terms, and that the attempt has failed.

• I certainly hope it’s failed. The Russian response if Ukraine chernobylized that place could be literally thermonuclear. It’s insane for the dark comedy vampire duo of Blinken & Sullivan to continue funding the crazy government in Kiev Kyiv after they launched this counteroffensive that cannot possibly end well for its own citizens. I second the Duke’s observation,

• Lebanon is enduring a total electrical blackout because its last remaining power plant has run out of fuel oil.

• Xtwitter closed its offices in Brazil rather than cave in to demands for censorship, according to the Musky Fellow with the weird first name. Brazilians can still use Xtwitter for now.

• At least 40 Palestinians were murdered by Israelis in the last 24 hours. Just another routine day for the Most Moral Army in the World.

• Spokescreatures for the Blob US Intelligence officials told the New York Times that Israel has done all it can do militarily in Gaza against Hamas so the only thing it can do now with its army is keep killing civilians.

• That’s great, since the Israeli objective has been to kill as many Palestinian civilians as quickly as possible ever since October 7. Funny how US Intelligence is just starting to notice this might become a problem.

• Thailand’s parliament selected the 37 year old daughter of the billionaire head of a political dynasty as prime minister. There’s some grift flowing in Bangkok, and I smell CIA. If anyone, especially in Thailand, can shed some light on this subject, please comment.

• There’s something familiar about her. Something about her expression makes me want to reach for crucifixes and garlic…

• Tanzanian police stopped the political opposition from holding a rally by arresting 500 of them.

• The Venezuelan opposition staged a “massive” march in Caracas yesterday, but it just doesn’t look all that massive in spite of all the US Empire hype.

• Donald Trump said that $kamala Harris wants to destroy Israel. Sometimes, nobody can inspire a biglier facepalm better than the Donald.

• The British Government announced that it will treat misogyny as a form of violent extremism, so no more jokes about putting your mothers-in-law in the boot*, you bloody he-man woman-hating blokes! * That’s British for “trunk.”

• Foreign Minister Israel Katz(I’m so glad my parents didn’t name me “Texas”) said Israel expects the UK and France to attack Iran if Iran retaliates against Israel for conducting an assassination in Teheran.

• A cowardly anonymous UK government source said that was “highly unlikely.” Plain English translation for stupid Zionists: It’s not going to happen, mate. We can’t even run our own bloody country.

• The French said nothing because they have a shrug for that.

• The Democults advanced their crusade to preserve democracy for their donors by getting a court to remove RFK Jr. from the New York state ballot. That’s three presidential candidates now—they already succeeded in keeping Jill Stein and Cornel West off of it.

• Filipino officials told China not to worry about American medium range missiles recently deployed to the Philippines. They said the Chinese were “very dramatic” about it.

• I can’t imagine why. The last time somebody deployed midrange missiles that close to the US we nearly started World War III, but the Chinese are supposed to be more responsible than we are. They are the older civilization, after all!

(Terra cotta soldiers, Qin Dynasty, 210 BCE)

• Just kidding, China. The longest-ranged missile being deployed is a Tomahawk Land Attack missile with a range of 1800 miles, which puts Beijing within range. Would the US tolerate Chinese land-based missiles in Bermuda?

• The Democults have taken to calling JD Vance “weird.” Vance isn’t weird. The Cleveland Indians Guardians had the best record in major league baseball last week. That’s weird.

• A gondola on a Ferris wheel near Leipzig, Germany caught on fire, injuring 20 people. That’s scary weird.

• Then there’s $kamala’s campaign web page. As of today, it has no button labeled “Platform” or “Policies.” Just a “Let’s Win This” banner, a bunch of donate buttons and a web store. Now that’s vacuously weird, as empty as $kamala’s integrity. I mean, they couldn’t even come up with any political bullshit?

• Finally, South East Pennsylvania Transportation Authority workers rescued a mama cat and two kittens stuck behind a stairwell in a subway station in West Philly. They’re now with Stray Cat Relief awaiting adoption.

Thank you for reading, good day or night, and good luck.

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