Reflections from the Heart of the Empire: Accidents, Principles, Tantrums, and Things Just Generally Falling Apart

• Crews brought down the remains of the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore by planting explosives. This makes me so proud. Nobody is better than Americans at blowing shit up.

• Don’t worry, Baltimore, you’re not alone! A barge hit a bridge and partially collapsed it in Galveston today. It seems a tugboat, which for some no doubt profitable reason was pushing two barges instead of one, lost control of one of them and now Pelican Island, home of Texas A&M-Galveston, has no road access to anywhere.

• But that’s OK! They have gained a shiny new oil slick.

• The UK’s Minister for the Middle East and North Africa told Parliament that Gaza is on “the brink of famine,” but denied Israel is using starvation as a weapon of war because “That’s not the judgment this government has drawn.” IOW, he knows the Israelis are deliberately starving children but he’s got that nice paycheck and status and everything. So.

• Graduating students at Duke University walked out in protest when alleged comedian Jerry Seinfeld, who has been a fervent supporter of the genocidal maniacs of Israel, was introduced as guest speaker at their commencement. Or maybe he just looked too much like a Grand Inquisitor.

• These guys are just never around when you need them,

• Major Harrison Mann, US Army, resigned his position with the Defense Intelligence Agency saying,

However, at some point — whatever the justification — you’re either advancing a policy that enables the mass starvation of children, or you’re not.

• Fun fact: Mann is Jewish.

• National Security Advisor and Certified Vampire of the Empire Jake Sullivan denied that Israel is committing a genocide because, well, he didn’t really say why it’s not a genocide because he can’t but the grift must flow. Notice the marks on his lower lip no doubt caused by the sudden projection of his fangs.

• Not to be outdone, Senior Certified Vampire of the Empire and by God US Senator Lindsay Graham said Israel should be able to nuke Gaza because the US nuked Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

• This Zionist argument for excessive use of force and genocide boils down to “You got to do it! If you don’t let us do it too, you’re anti-Semitic and want to kill all Jews! It’s not fair! WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! We want to have our genocide, too! It happened to us! It’s Our Turn!!!”

• Why does that ring a bell? Oh. Yeah.

• According to Ukrainian sources, Russian forces are advancing on Kharkov, and the Ukrainians don’t have enough troops to stop them.

• Perhaps that’s why Secretary of State and Certified Vampire of the Empire Antony Blinken was in Kiev to promise the imperial puppet Zelinsky that American aid is “on its way” and will make a “real difference.”

• Ukrainian authorities vehemently denied the rumor that Zelensky was wearing this T-shirt for their meeting,

• The Board of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream said that the pro-Palestine protests are “essential to a strong democracy.”

• The US Navy has spent tens of billions of bucks on a ship called the “Littoral Combat Ship,” better known to sailors as “Little Crappy Ships,” that was supposed to be ideal for situations such as the one now happening in the Red Sea.

• Exactly none of them are in the Red Sea because they are so poorly made they can barely float, much less sail all the way across an ocean. But that’s OK, because the grift must flow. The reaction from Yemen was nonverbal.

• Georgia(the country, not the US State) passed a law requiring all organizations that receive 20% of more of their funding from foreign sources to register as foreign agents, which just happens to include color revolution front groups. The reaction at CIA HQ in Langley was explosive.

• Florida banned lab-grown meat, unless you listen to NPR, in which case Florida banned cultivated meat. “Cultivated.” Sounds so Far Side(Hint: the NPR audience is inside the car).

• Governor Kathy Hochul of New York came out with the best Democratic Party pitch to Black people ever! She said,

We will be the best, we will be the first, and I want others to follow, because right now we have young Black kids growing up in the Bronx who don’t even know what the word 'computer' is. They don’t know. They don’t know these things.

• Congratulations, Governor Huckster Hochul, you got Bugs Bunny’s attention!

• Finally, a veterinarian in South Essex came to the rescue of a fox cub that had somehow got its head stuck in a literal sink’s hole. From the story, it seems that this sort of thing happens quite frequently is South Essex for some strange reason. Anyway, Foxy Junior here is doing fine.

Thank you for reading, good night, and good luck.