Reflections from the Heart of the Empire: Blundering into 2025

and some South African monkey business

• The official count of the homeless population in the US rose by 18% in 2024. Now that’s progress! No wonder so many Americans voted for Biden.

  

• At least 6000 inmates escaped from a jail in Mozambique during riots triggered by an election perceived by many as rigged. The alleged new president called for calm as thousands fled to neighboring Malawi to escape the violence.

• France handed over a military base in Chad to local authorities as part of the withdrawal of French forces from Chad. It seems they were there for over 60 years, but for some strange reason less than 12% of Chadians have electricity. Gee, I wonder if there’s a connection.

• Iraq has an African slavery problem. Exploiting Africans isn’t just for whitey anymore. Isn’t that great? There’s progress for you.

• The attempt at a color revolution in Georgia continues as the US Empire-sponsored incumbent president refuses to leave office after being trounced in an election by a guy who thinks good relations with neighboring Russia are important.

• Wait a minute. I thought this was the guy who would refuse to leave office! I’m so confused.

• Speaking of our once and future Prez-Emperor, he demonstrated how anybody can press the wrong button by tweeting out a DM to Elon Musk inviting him to a New Year’s Eve party at Mar a Lago. I’m excited. This has the potential of becoming a very entertaining habit. Bugs is excited, too.

• Speaking of Elon Musk, the South African immigrant and blood mineral heir demonstrated his superior breeding by telling a critic of visas for high-tech workers on X,

Take a big step back and f**k yourself in the face.

• And people wonder why I won’t open a sock poppet account to access Elon’s paradise after his XTwitter banned me over a year ago for giving Adam Schiff a well-deserved ration of shit.

• Israel burned another hospital in Gaza to the ground, but thankfully that has become so routine the US Empire media barely notices anymore. Below: A portrait in courage, the last photo of Dr. Hassam Abu Saffiya, on his way to work when his workplace still barely existed.

• Israel also bombed the airport in Sanaa, Yemen, and barely missed the head of the Bill Gates World Health Organization. This is the closest the Israelis have come to committing an act with a smidgeon of redeeming social value all year.

• Ukraine’s ambassador to the United Nations said that his country could agree to security guarantees without becoming a member of NATO. That long-delayed recognition of material reality inspired the Grumpy Old Cat to enthuse…

• Vladimir Putin apologized for Russian air defense forces shooting down an Azerbaijani passenger plane, saying they were repelling Ukrainian drone attacks in the region at the time. It’s war. Shit happens. A lot. Stop asking me why I won’t fly.

• UK Prime Minister to US Empire Fantasies Keir Starmer asked UK government regulators for ideas on how to “grow” the British economy. Hmmm, that sounds familiar in either a Soviet or a carcinogenic kind of way, but I can’t decide which.

• NASA’s Parker Solar Probe not only survived the closest encounter with that big bright star we call the Sun any manmade thing has ever done, but set a record of the fastest speed ever achieved by any such thing, over 430,000 mph.

  

• North Korean God-King Kim Jong Un announced he will compete against Prez-Emperor Donald Trump for the 2025 Best Bloviating Bullshitter in the World Award by proclaiming the toughest anti-US policy ever, with precisely zero details. And his hair was perfect. Watch out, Donny Boy.

• Interstate 40 in the Pigeon River Gorge between Tennessee and North Carolina, which was washed out by Hurricane Helene over three months ago, remained that way after recent repairs collapsed. Now that’s what I call Building Back Better!

• Not to be outdone, New Jersey’s Interstate 80 opened up a 40-foot wide sinkhole.

• Egypt has lost 60% of its revenue from the Suez Canal since the Yemenis began their blockade of the Red Sea. Expect domestic unrest soon, and if you want to see a pyramid, go to Mexico or Guatemala.

• In fact, the best tourist advice is to first avoid any place within range of the Israeli Air Force.

• Finally, South African police rushed to a suburban home after its panic alarm was pressed by a monkey who had stolen the remote. The monkey escaped, and the search was called off at the homeowner’s request. Sometimes it really is OK to monkey around.

Thank you for reading, good day or night, and good luck.

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