Letter to Our European Cousins

You really need to tell the Yanks to bugger off, right and proper

Dear Europeans,

According to commercial DNA tests, my blended American family probably has distant cousins in Scotland, Wales, Ireland, England, Sweden, Denmark, Germany, the Netherlands, France, Spain(including the Basque country), Portugal, Italy, all of the former Yugoslavia, Romania, Poland, Ukraine, the Baltic States, Belarus, and Russia.

Needless to say, I don’t wish any of you to come to any harm or to see your standard of living rapidly decline, so I am going to give most of you a warning.

Not you in Belarus or Russia, but the rest of you.

Most of you live in countries with governments that take their direction in foreign and economic policy from my country’s government, not you. The United States is an empire that lives on economic exploitation of its own people and the people of every country in which American corporations can gain enough influence.

The US Empire is in decline. Its privileged and arrogant leaders refuse to admit that fact and are now trying to prove to the world(and maybe themselves) that no one, no country, can defy the will of the Empire and get away with it. Russia and China have both defied them, and therefore must be punished, or at least humiliated.

The imperial managers really thought that if they could successfully provoke Russia into invading Ukraine, which they did, that they could get most of the rest of the world to boycott Russia, and that economic sanctions would bring the Russian economy to its knees in short order, deposing Putin and replacing him with another Boris Yeltsin.

That didn’t work, but they haven’t given up. American weapons manufacturers are maximizing their profits(so the war must continue), and now the oil companies want in on the act. The US Empire has created the opportunity to make its vassal states—that’s all of you guys—more dependent on American fossil fuels. That’s why the Empire blew up the Nordstream pipelines.

Secretary of State Antony Blinken said after the pipeline explosions that they created a “tremendous opportunity to end European dependence on Russian energy.” He didn’t even have to lie. Yes, no more Russian natural gas, so now Germany and other countries will have no choice but to import more natural gas from the US and Canada, at very profitable prices for North American Big Oil.

The fact is that the US and Canada cannot come close to replacing the volume of gas once being imported from Russia. Europe simply doesn’t have the necessary LNG terminals, and they take years to build. There aren’t even enough tankers to transport it across the Atlantic. A lot of that Russian gas simply cannot be replaced by other suppliers. It’s physically impossible.

You will be told to suck it up in the name of defeating Russian aggression and defending Ukrainian freedom. Take cold sponge baths instead of hot showers. Keep your thermostats no higher than 13C, that is, when you have heat. Pay twice what you paid last year for electricity and your own kleptocratic capitalists will let you pay back the rest of your huge balance over time.

Not only that, but thanks to the backfiring of all of the EU and UK sanctions on Russia, the dollar is now worth more than either the euro or the pound. All of your imported goods will be more expensive. Don’t worry, though, I’m sure American corporations will be able to do all sorts of stock buybacks with the profits they will suck out of you.

This sounds to me like your standard of living will soon be declining. You really should be angry about that.

The US Empire is now sacrificing the well-being of its own vassal states just to prove it’s still all big and bad and by God and Mammon that when it tells your leaders to jump they will ask how high. Meanwhile, the American kleptocracy steals more money, this time from you, my European cousins.

So. Like they say in the American gangster movies, Whaddaya gonna do about it? That’s basically what Joe Biden is telling your leaders, and it doesn’t look like most of them are going to do a damned thing.

If you don’t want to live like millions of Americans, in rolling blackouts when the weather is too hot or too cold, with lead-contaminated drinking water, no mandatory vacation or sick days, paying well over half your income just for a roof over your head, eating food loaded with chemicals and hormones, and maybe even drinking foul piss-water like Budweiser for beer, you’re going to have to do something about who is governing you.

I know you can do it. I’ve studied your history. You’ve all done it before at one time or the other. My ancestors defied the British Empire. I’m sorry to say it because no one sane wants to try to live through unstable revolutionary times, but it’s time for all of you to demand that your governments stand up to the American Empire and for their own people, ie y’all.

If you don’t, the US Empire is going to bleed you dry, one financial and economic crisis after another, while Russia will slowly grow stronger with its new trading partners. Well, it will if we all somehow get out of this Russia-Ukraine War without all getting nuked by America’s sociopathic, powerhungry and criminally stupid leaders.

A revolution will eventually happen in the United States, but I don’t recommend that you all wait for it. Make some rational governments with the fracking balls to stand up to the US Empire. You’re going to go through some difficult times no matter what, but it will be better if you’re at least fighting to better your own quality of life and to live without war, instead of suffering for the sake of the US Empire.

Thanks for reading, good night, and the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Your American cousin